Selections from America's Finest News Source
The Onion on the inauguration:
- ‘I Promise To Work Tirelessly To Achieve My Campaign’s Goals,’ Threatens Trump In Terrifying Address
- Trump Calms Nerves Before Inaugural Address By Reminding Himself He’s The Only Person Who Actually Exists
- Justice Roberts Stops In Middle Of Oath Of Office To Remind Audience This Just His Job
- Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House
- Biden Making Plans To Go Completely Legit After Vice Presidency
- Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now
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