I, For One, Welcome Our New Cow Overlords
It appears that the Cows have begun their guerrilla campaign to take over the world:
The way to catch a cow is through its stomach – at least that’s what New Hartford police are hoping.It's like the beginning of Planet of the Apes.
On Monday, the department set a trap for the rogue cow that continues to make appearances along Route 840. Police previously told the O-D the cow weighs about 1,500 pounds and has been on the loose for several months. Efforts to identify its owner have been unsuccessful.
“Currently we’re trying to feed it and trap it at the same time,” police Chief Michael Inserra said. “Clinton Tractor has been gracious enough to loan us what is called a headlock feeder ... and as (the cow is) feeding on it, a spring-loading locking mechanism will trap the cow in the feeder by its head.”
Headlock feeders are regularly used by farmers and trap cows in a way similar to how a child’s head could become trapped in a banister.
Inserra said police placed the trap Monday and are checking on it hourly. If the cow is successfully trapped, a local farmer has agreed to take it, he said.
“We’re assuming it’s going to take a few days for the cow hopefully to approach this trap,” Inserra said. “It’s a very skittish animal.”
Stephanie Kelly and her friends spotted the rogue cow on Route 8 on Thursday, while she and other members of the Sauquoit Valley Garden Club were on their way back from a trip to Old Forge.
Kelly said the cow appeared to be scared, and was running down the road for several miles – holding up southbound traffic – before it ran off into the brush shortly before the Washington Mills exit.
This is not an isolated incident. This is the beginning of a bovine insurrection!*
*Yes, this is actually an isolated incident. Some cow jumped the fence, and is now out smarting local authorities. It is absurd to suggest that cows are plotting to take over the world.†
†Because cats have already taken over the world.
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