God Bless The Onion

I Misspoke—What I Meant To Say Is 'I Am Dumb As Dog Sh%$ And I Am A Terrible Human Being'

By Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) August 20, 2012

As a politician, I often find myself in situations where, unfortunately, I express a certain thought or idea poorly, or find my words taken out of context. Indeed, that is what happened this weekend. Upon reviewing the impromptu remarks I made Sunday afternoon, I can now see that I used the wrong words in the wrong way. I would now like to set the record straight with the American people and clear up some confusion about what it was I intended to convey.

You see, what I said was, “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” But what I meant to say was, “I am a worthless, moronic sack of sh%$ and an utterly irredeemable human being who needs to shut up and go away forever.”

(%$ mine)

They owe me a screen cleaner.